Let me start off by taking a quick poll about this holiday season, if you ever felt sad, lonely, depressed or disgusted at the fact you ate an entire pie, please raise your hand. Mines raised loud and proud! In my previous post I slid a statement in there, “I’ve been feeling off lately, maybe it’s the holidays.” Since then I’ve been thinking about why I was really feeling off, I knew it wasn’t the holiday blues. I had a feeling few weeks ago that there was something creeping up but I didn’t want to deal with it, there was enough stress already! With great effort I tried to dig it deeper, but the universe had a different plan.
I went to sleep that night and while I was dreaming, I remember being in a house with myself and I asked myself why, I was so depressed. The answer I gave myself was simple and something I already knew; I had gained weight over the holidays and I was depressed about it. The universe was basically screaming at me with a megaphone, “It’s time to WAKE UP and take this opportunity of growth!”
Failure use to be a scary thing for me, it used to mean that I wasn’t good enough or I’d be judged, but now it means growth. If you haven’t read my post called, Refresh, I break down the word fail into an acronym, Faithful Attempt In Learning, and that opened up a whole new paradigm.
We don’t plan to fail or, “fall off the wagon”, it just happens, sometimes due to circumstances out of your control. With all the holiday cheer and treats, I learned that I don’t yet have the self-control to be around an endless supply of Rice Krispy treats or anything with chocolate. I learned that I still needed to do some tough love self-reflection on how I truly think about myself, revisit my feelings about my eating disorder and at the same time give myself TLC.
You all know that I’ve been working on the book, Everything Is Figureoutable, by Marie Forleo, also you all should know how amazing this book truly is! She speaks about how we should be looking for progress not perfection. She speaks about needing to do everything to perfection, causes unnecessary stress and a more complex feeling of self-doubt when things don’t go the way you planned. For instance, I was holding myself to a high standard of perfection by eating healthy with no sweets what so ever and if I gave in, no matter how little, I started to self-destruct with feelings of never being good enough, and that’s when it would snowball into, well I already ate one, so lets go for the whole platter! With an end game of depression and self-doubt. This time was no different, until today.
If we remember, the definition of progress is to move forward and succeed. Even though I failed (faithful attempt at learning), I made progress and I’m reminding myself of that each and every day.